Four ways we build intimacy in our relationship

four ways we build intimacy in our relationship

I was eighteen when I started to date my husband, I remember the day like it was yesterday!

It was April 29th 2008, a few weeks after my mum had passed, and Laolu called me for our usual evening conversation. We caught up on how the day had gone, how I was coping with my return to college after my mum’s passing, and joked around and talked about life as we usually did. The conversation was no different to any other, until Laolu began to stutter! I couldn’t quite work out what he was trying to say, but a minute or two later he popped the question and asked me to be his girlfriend! The rest was history.

Eight years later and now married, we both look back at past years with smiles on our faces. Our journey, like many others, has had its ups and downs, but hey, nothing worth having comes easy!

One of the biggest lessons I have learned throughout the course of our relationship, is that there is a fine line between comfortability and complacency, and the very minute we become complacent in our relationship, we are setting ourselves up for failure.

In order to avoid complacency and taking each other for granted, there are four practical steps that have helped us build intimacy and solidify our relationship over the years. I wish I had come across these a lot earlier in our relationship, as I’m they would have saved us a lot of drama!!! Here are our tips on:


Shortly before Laolu popped the question and asked me to marry him, we decided to start our very own couples book club. We knew that we wanted to get married at some point, and therefore decided to prepare ourselves for that journey by reading into the very subject of marriage itself.

Two books that made it onto our reading list were: The 5 Love Languages and Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married. These books not only allowed for us to better understand and get to know one another, they also helped us learn more about ourselves as individuals. I would highly recommend them if marriage is on your radar, they are great reads.


For those who follow me on social media (snapchat in particular), you’ll know Friday in Fiona’s world is… Date night!

A few weeks after getting married, we promised ourselves that we would both make time to celebrate our relationship at least once a week. Whilst we may live together and see each other every day, we are conscious of the fact that our relationship deserves so much more than what can sometime be a half-hearted effort after a long day at work. So every Friday in true Mr and Mrs style, we get all dressed up and take ourselves out, to the cinema, out for drinks, or even for a walk (when cash is a little tight), oh and did I mention we also throw ourselves parties? Check out the video below for the full scoop on our first at home rave!


Playing games has got to be one of my favourite ways to build intimacy. They are a great happy hormone and often help to resolve pre-existing tensions (talking from experience!). One game that has really helped us to bond and get to know each other on a deeper level is the Ungame: Couples version card game [pictured below]. It’s a pretty deep game so you’ll need some energy for it, but all in all a winner in our books!


They say ‘a family that prays together stays together’ well in our case this is true. Being able to share my faith with my husband and go with him to God in prayer is one of the most beautiful parts of our relationship. I speak in more depth about this in our video below so be sure to check it out!

A FEW OF OUR FAVES FOR BUILDING INTIMACYfour ways we build intimacy in our relationship[From left to right: ‘The 5 Love Languages, Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married , His Needs, Her Needs. Building An Affair Proof Marriage , Ungame: Couples Version ]


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